HANDLING DIFFICULT PEOPLE

Dear Mr. Molloy:

 

I am a man in his mid-30s and have just been elected to the school board in my town. In the course of campaigning I visited both blue collar workers and young professionals in their homes. The one thing I noticed was the better educated parents were more interested in their children’s education than those with a high school education or less.

 

In about a month and a half the school board will be having a second public meeting. I intend to introduce a program which will by its nature increase the cost of running our school. There is already opposition in the community to my proposal but if it’s well presented I think it will pass since many school board members will respond to pressure from the community. I know I already have the backing of a majority of parents who are college educated and they are more likely to attend school board meetings but I fear I will not win the blue-collar majority.

 

I’m looking for an outfit that will work equally well with both groups. I noticed when I was campaigning that if I showed up wearing a very conservative suit it offended some blue-collar workers and when I dress down I was  not as effective with the more sophisticated members of the community. Can you recommend a specific outfit I can wear to this meeting?

 

Please keep in mind our school board meetings are often loud and disorderly. The president of the school board often spends most of his time bringing the room to order. I’ve seen you speak several times and I know you are very good on stage and am wondering if you could give me specific advice on how to handle interruptions.

 

KN,

City Withheld

 

 

Dear K.N.:

 

Yes, there is. Wear a navy blazer with gray slacks, a white shirt and a solid maroon tie. When the meeting starts loosen your tie and if the audience is predominately blue-collar take off your jacket.

 

One of the tricks used by union leaders and professional politicians when they attend such a meeting is to have people who agree with them from different groups accompany them when they go on stage. While you’re the primary speaker you can refer to individuals and ask them about their personal experience or opinions to back up the argument you’re making. This will make it seem as if the argument is not yours personally but that of a group which will give you greater credibility with most audiences and make it less likely that you will be interrupted.

 

Another gambit used by sophisticated salespeople and you are a salesperson in that situation is if you are interrupted by someone who is loud and obnoxious do not get angry. Tell them and the audience that you respect their opinion and invite them up on stage to counter the points you have made. If you pick someone who’s particularly inarticulate or even better rude to defend the opposing point of view you have chosen the best person from your perspective. In addition, you can calmly and politely ask them questions which require specific expertise that they probably will not have, giving your side a definite advantage.

But since no one can predict how such meetings will go I must tell you that the first rule is to read your audience and follow your instincts. So although I’ve given you what I think are a couple of good tactics, only use them if you think they’re appropriate at the moment.

 

Good luck!

 

 

 

Dear Mr. Molloy:

 

I work for a company where about one third of women managers wear jackets usually over dresses almost every day and the others wear jackets but not the ones you would recommend. There are some who dress very casually, most of them are in technical positions and work with men who are casually dressed.

 

I have an MBA from a major university and while I dressed casually and hardly ever wore a jacket for the first four years I now wear a suit whenever I can and jackets when I cannot. I did this because my father who is an executive bet me that if I changed my look I would increase my chances of getting promotions. I was sure he was wrong but because I received two promotions in the last three years and am being looked at for bigger and better things I insisted that he take his winnings.

 

My latest promotion put me in a new department. I am now working for a woman who has hinted without subtlety that she dislikes my dressing like a man. I think she really dislikes my dressing better than her. It would be hard not to because she dresses terribly.

N.H,

St. Louis, Missouri

 

 

 

Dear NH:

 

 

I wish I could give you better advice but I cannot. Since you just started working for her I’m sure will be difficult to transfer to another department but that is exactly what I suggest you try to do. If you cannot transfer for a while you can adjust your dress to suit her just a bit. You may have no choice. However, once it becomes possible to move, do so.

 

At present, you’re in a Catch-22 situation. Since you have earned an MBA from a major university I’m sure you’re aim is to move into management. If you start dressing in a manner that destroys your executive image, I’m sure it will be noted by the men and women at the top. While if you do not she will probably give you a hard time, and might write negative reviews of your work and short-circuit your career.

 

I talked to several women executives and explained your situation to them. They suggested that you continue to dress professionally but when you’re dealing with her take off your jacket and relax your image. They conceded it wasn’t a perfect solution to your problem but added that one of the necessary skills to be an executive is handling difficult situations and difficult people. I wish I could give you upbeat positive advice but I can’t.

 

Sorry!

 

 

 

 

 

Dear Mr. Molloy:

 

I always admired your advice but am beginning to question it. My wife attended your lecture on popularity last week at the Disney hotel. She said you are writing a book on popularity and it will be available in a couple of months. She said nevertheless you told the audience that 40% of them didn’t need it. That’s idiotic.

 

Name and Address Withheld

 

Dear Sir:

 

After another test speech on popularity I was approached by a publisher who is interested in my book. He said he had only one requirement for publishing the book, I had to stop telling people they didn’t need it. He said to do so was stupid and he may have a point.

 

However, I didn’t exactly say that. What I tell all my audiences is if 30% to 40% of them do exactly as I say they will learn to make a great first impression and charm people for a limited period of time. What I do tell them is that they do not need my book to accomplish that but the book would make it simpler, quicker and easier. What is more I tell them if they want to be popular and receive preferential treatment from the world they need my book.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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BEING BALD & WHAT KIDS DON’T KNOW

 

Dear Mr. Molloy:

 

One factor which you have not discussed that would probably interest many readers is the effect of baldness on a businessman’s image. Being bald I wondered if it is better to wear a hairpiece or to live with your baldness.

 

Having this problem for many years I feel that being bald creates a negative impression and wearing a hairpiece makes one look vain. In addition, I have never seen one that I didn’t immediately spot. Many bald men comb their hair pieces over the forehead in an attempt to camouflage them, it doesn’t work. Most often hairpieces are parted differently than real hair and color difference between what’s left of the real hair and the rug is usually obvious. I’m sure there are hair pieces and plugs that are undiscernible but I have never seen any.

 

Partially bald men have even a greater problem. Most comb overs look stupid and only draw attention to the fact that they are bald.

 

I’d appreciate if you could comment on my observations and I wonder if you have any research on the subject,

 

Name and Address Withheld

 

Dear Sir:

 

I was gray when I was in my early 30s and as a result one of the first things I researched was the impact of gray hair on image. Since a substantial percentage of men who were bald or going bald had touches of gray in their hair or were completely gray, the two subjects became intertwined.

 

The first thing I’ll tell you is if you are bald or going bald you should dye your hair. Apparently if both occur simultaneously the impact is totally negative. The negative impact on the person’s business and social life is at least twice what you expect it to be. So if you are both balding and going gray, you should color your hair and you must keep it up. If your hairline is even receding touches of gray will hurt your image in business and socially. That will make it more difficult for you to operate in either world..

 

Being bald in business can be both a positive and a negative depending primarily on your age. If you’re under 35 and have a young face it will add to your authority and that can be a positive. If you are 40 it probably does not affect your image but it can make you look inept if you are overweight or diminutive. Such a negative effect varies from individual to individual but we found when we asked men about the impact it had on their careers most made an accurate assessment. If you’re not sure I’ll show you, in future blogs how to research that problem. Having touches of gray in your hair can be either neutral or negative. Since  you’re not going to be sure without extensive testing it would be prudent to get a hairpiece and a good one and color your hair as soon as you hit 40.

 

This gentleman’s letter indicated he came from a small town in the Midwest. I’m certain that is why he never ran across good hairpieces or plugs. I found them only in large metropolitan areas, although they may exist elsewhere.

 

As fo comb-overs I have to assume you have never heard of Donald Trump. If he wears a hairpiece or plugs or had his hair restored surgically I am sure you would never notice because obviously he can afford the very best. At 70, if he decided it was necessary since he was going into the public arena, it was a very wise move. By the way Donald Trump would not stand out in DC, hair pieces are as common among politicians in Washington as they are in Hollywood. If you want to know how undetectable they can be, think of Ted Danson the star and sex symbol on Cheers. In one show he actually took off his hairpiece. I was surprised and I am sure everyone else was.

 

Whatever you decide, good luck!

 

.

 

 

 

Dear Mr. Molloy:

 

I am a 21-year-old junior at Caltech and I will be interviewing next year for a job as a structural engineer. I do not believe I will have any trouble landing a position since I have a 3.3 average and a 3.8 average in my major.

 

At present, I have shoulder length hair and a short beard which my father refers to as stubble. I am also a socialist who believes that capitalism takes advantage of the average working man and that if we ever tried socialism everyone would love it and be much better off. It is also more efficient, the fastest growing nation on earth is communist China.

 

My father tells me that unless I cut my hair and trim or cut off my beard I will find it hard to get a job. I often speak about my beliefs and he said if I tell employers I am a socialist it will make it more difficult to get a job. I find that hard to believe but I will go along at least for the interview. However, when he tells me I have to dress up for interviews on campus that’s ridiculous but he said he would not pay my last year’s tuition unless I did as he said.

 

I know he will listen to you because he has a copy of your dress book on his shelf and he’s been trying to get me to read it forever.  Even you know in high tech companies dress is so casual that you can wear anything you want. Please tell him.

 

A Desperate Student

 

 

Dear Desperate:

 

You may not be desperate now but you soon will be unless you listen to your father, he’s right. Once you get the job you can dress to suit yourself but before you do I suggest you look around very carefully and see what others are wearing. Pay particular attention to what your direct supervisor wears. Many high-tech managers not only allow but encourage their techies to dress very casually because they believe that casually dressed engineers will be more creative. There is no statistical data to back up that belief.

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I would also point out that we started as utopian socialists. The Puritans had a strictly socialist society and in the first year they came half of them starved to death. The second year the same thing happened. The merchants who underwrote the trip tried to sell the debt that the Puritans owed. No one would buy it. The leaders of the colony noticed that many of the young men weren’t working diligently to grow more crops. Since the colony was literally starving to death they concluded the original system was not working. So everyone was given his own plot of land to work .Once they were working for themselves they planted more, grew more and made a profit. With the introduction of free enterprise the colony became so profitable they easily payed back their backers and with that success others followed.

 

As for China, poverty was a way of life until they concluded that socialism didn’t work. I understand that the government is communist and the army is communist but that is because their rulers did not want to give up power. However, the same government who shot people for even thinking about capitalism, introduced it. Once they did China had free enterprise, multi- millionaires and as you pointed out economic growth.

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WHEN YOU MOVE & THE IMPACT OF POPULARITY TRAINING

 

Dear Mr. Molloy:

 

I am a software engineer and have finally been asked to move to corporate headquarters. It means money and prestige right away and hopefully bigger and better things in the future.

 

Corporate headquarters is in San Francisco. I’ve only visited that city twice and both times the weather has been very pleasant. At present my wardrobe consists of seven suits, three sport jackets and a dozen slacks. As you can see I have two images because my job at present has two functions, first I am a working engineer and second a manager. I have seven suits. three medium weight two winter weight  and two light weight. My question is, what type of adjustment should I make with my clothing since the weather in San Francisco is more moderate.

 

In addition I have to adjust my wardrobe to suit California which is more casual. As a manager in the Boston office I dealt with people in the Northeast from Maine to Albany New York, in San Francisco I will be dealing with California high-tech people. Since I’ll be dealing with technical people I will spend considerable time in the Silicon Valley.

 

 

 

HG

San Francisco, California

 

Dear HG:

 

At first your question seems to be about the change in temperature in the two areas. Obviously the Northeast is far colder than San Francisco which has about 3 ½ months of winter, from mid-November until the end of February. During those months your winter suits will work just fine however your moderate weight suits will as well. You cannot wear the same wardrobe because dress at corporate headquarters is almost always more traditional than it is in field offices. California even in a casual industry like yours is far more casual than in the Northeast so most of the time business casual will work best.

 

Although in the Silicon Valley you will see people dressed very casually the men who run the Valley have adopted a business casual attire as a minimum for executives who deal with those outside the industry.  Since obviously your goal is to become one of those executives you should wear business casual most of the time. There are of course companies that are exceptions to this rule but it’s the safe way to go.

 

In California there is such a variety of dress codes in the high-tech industry that you almost have to adjust your look to suit the company or the people you are dealing with on that day. When you arrive ask to speak to the people who were handling the clients you’re about to get. Ask specifically how those clients and their workers, managers and executives dress and their attitude toward people who dress differently. While in most companies business casual works well for people in management positions there are some departments in the same companies where wearing a suit or even sports coat will identify you as an outsider. It reminds me of the banking, insurance, financial and similar traditional industries 30 years ago. When you went to sell in those companies unless you wore the conservative suit, shirt and tie uniform when you arrived, most of the time you and your proposals were DOA.

 

Interestingly enough because the dress codes are so casual even when the executives and managers dress as casually as everyone else they usually do so in upscale high quality garments. If you know what you’re looking for you can spot them across the street. So don’t kid yourself in 90% of those companies there is an executive dress code. Since there are so many executive dress codes you will have to identify them and adjust your look as you go.

 

Good luck!

 

 

Dear Mr. Molloy:

 

I attended your lecture on popularity in the workplace two months ago. It was interesting but I couldn’t really take it seriously. I don’t see any reason I should spend a minimum of 4 to 6 hours a week for several months to become popular. I’m an electrical engineer and my work speaks for itself so I’ve no interest in becoming charming. In fact I’m thinking of working on my second Masters which I believe will be a lot more useful. My question is, why would any company pay for such a lecture?

 

Name and Address Withheld

 

 

Dear Electrical Engineer:

 

I’m sure your work speaks for itself but not as clearly as you might think. What your superiors, coworkers or subordinates think about your work, your expertise or what you suggest depends to a degree on how they see you. I’m not claiming that if you’re an idiot and a charming one you will do well, you will not. As you said you are in a field where your work speaks for itself. But there is an old joke in accounting that applies in your field as well. I first heard it when I asked Jack Grady a buddy of mine, who in the 70s was the controller of Peat Marwick, what I could do when he was no longer around to give me solid advice. His answer was to hire a talented accountant. When I asked how I could do that he said by asking a simple question, How much is one and one? My immediate answer was two. He said now ask me the question. When I asked Jack how much is one and one his answer was how much do you want to be? Which proves even the most obvious statistical data is open to interpretation and that’s true in your field as well.

 

The answer to your second question is companies have found that when I trained their employees to turn their charm off-and-on like a lightbulb it helps in several ways. The employees who had taken the course were far better able to charm clients and convince them that they can solve their problems. And once their employees had mastered the skill of charming the people they met they brought that skill to work and charmed everyone around them. Once they did the offices ran more smoothly and efficiently.

 

I feel obliged to tell you that I wasn’t paid for that speech. It came about by accident. Almost 3 years earlier I was speaking about image and sales at a yearly corporate meeting when one of the scheduled speakers became ill and I was asked to fill in for her at lunch. I was researching popularity at the time and since almost everyone had heard my sales speech, I said I would train the audience to make a good first impression. A little over one third of the audience three weeks later was able to turn their charm on and off like a lightbulb and I’ve been giving that speech ever since.

 

Several clients said that once their employees learned to charm everyone they met they were more affable and friendly and seemed to get along better with their fellow employees. I wasn’t sure if that were really true so I spoke to several companies and did follow-up studies to test it. You heard one of those speeches.

 

By the way, popularity training does positively impact employees behavior and attitude.

 

 

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THE NEED FOR AN INEXPENSIVE BUSINESS WARDROBE

Dear Mr. Molloy:

 

You wrote the other day that the new suits being pushed by the fashion industry were not what we once called serious suits. They did not include the colors and designs recommended in your books. You then went on to suggest that anyone who needs a suit purchase a cheap one since you didn’t know  if the fashion industry would succeed in changing the design of the American business wardrobe by changing the look and effectiveness of the standard suit.

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When I read this I presumed that you meant a suit that cost around $200 or less. Since I’m going to need at least three suits in the immediate future I went looking for suitable business suits in that price range. I graduated from law school three years ago and am working for a law firm where everybody of course wears suits and I would like to follow your advice. Could you please guide me to a specific brand or retail outlet where I can find such suits and reasonably priced shirts and ties.

 

 

JB

Omaha Nebraska

 

 

Dear JB:

 

As you may or may not know I have been giving advice on image for almost 40 years and in all that time I never endorsed either a store or a brand of business wear. I avoided doing so because I thought my readers might think that I had a vested interest in the advice I was giving. Nevertheless, I looked for a suitable selection of business wear at a reasonable price that I could recommend to the readers of this blog.

 

A few clothing lines and several retail outlets came very close but no one offered items that matched my recommendations exactly and since even minor variations in the color and cut of garments send very different messages I cannot at present recommend one. Which is a shame, because I’d hate to see the concept of dressing for success, disappear from this world when I do.

 

However, I think it is such a critical need at this time that I would be willing to endorse such a line of business clothing if it existed. So if there is a major department store or manufacturer who is willing to create a reasonably priced line of business clothing I would be willing to endorse it. I doubt seriously if any of the major players in the fashion industry want the idea of dressing for success to survive even though by adopting it now they would control a substantial part of the business clothing market. With a relatively small investment a major player could create a traditional dress for success line, a business casual line and a very casual line for both men and women since they already manufacture or sell 90% of the garments needed. I am hoping and I am sure some of you are hoping as well.

 

 

Dear Mr. Molloy:

 

I’m now in charge of creating a dress code for my company. We have formed a team of six men and six women to work on the project. Each of them works in a different area of the company so after we have our weekly meeting they go back and discuss what we are considering with their fellow employees. In about two months we will make recommendations to management and hopefully they will be accepted. As you might imagine, our most vexing problem is getting an agreement on women’s attire. Do you have any suggestions?

 

Name and Address Withheld

 

 

Dear Sir:

 

Over the years I’ve been part of several groups developing dress codes for various companies in different sections of the country. I can’t give you specific advice because you did not name your company or even describe your business but I will give you a few general recommendations.

 

The first recommendation I would make is that you form two separate teams one made up of men to develop a dress code for men and one made up of women to develop a dress code for women. Have two women sit in with the men’s group and two men sit in the women’s group as observers to explain how the opposite sex will look upon the dress they are recommending. They will not be allowed to vote on recommendations or to make them. If you don’t do that or something similar in today’s politically correct world you will be accused of sexism and even if you do you may be accused as well.

 

The first problem, when developing a dress code for women in any company is a certain percentage of women want to dress in a manner that makes them attractive to men. This is particularly true for young single women who often date after work or go to places where singles meet. The problem is if she makes herself sexually attractive most of the time she almost instantly is seen by men as a less serious business person and is less likely to be put in charge of any project. I know that’s not fair but that is the way it is.  However, most women particularly well-educated women are sensible and understand that if they wear anything outrageously sexy or just different it can hurt their careers. Of course men and women see the world and members of their own sex and the opposite sex very differently and some don’t or won’t recognize this difference. You have to work out this problem on your own.

 

Another problem we saw again and again is that women particularly young women in casual companies wish to dress the same way the men do. In these companies where many of the men may wear jeans they argue they should be able to wear them as well. They overlook the obvious fact that women are built differently and as a result their jeans and other garments are cut differently and send a totally different message.

 

Developing a dress code that will help women to move up in companies is far more difficult these days than it was in the past. If political correctness wins the day, women who are working at moving into management lose.

 

As I see it you face an almost impossible task.

 

 

Dear Mr. Molloy:

 

Your advice may work for people in old-fashioned traditional companies but in my company there is absolutely no dress code and there are more companies like mine every day.

 

CJ

San Francisco California

 

Dear CJ:

 

I don’t know your company but if you have over 30 white-collar employees I’d be willing to bet you dollars to donuts that you have a dress code for winners. All you have to do to find out is take a look at how the people in charge dress and compare their dress to that of the average white-collar worker.

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RADIO TO TV & OUT OF SCHOOL AND OUT OF WORK

Dear Mr. Molloy:

 

I have been doing a radio show for the last 12 years on handling personal finances and have been fairly successful.. I have been offered a local TV show which will start in two months. I was given the show because I wrote a book on the subject but it was not a bestseller. In fact, sales were so poor I did not push it on the show because I thought it might hurt the show. The show came from a small studio across town run by a friend of mine and most the time I had my feet up on the desk when talking to listeners. Since no one ever saw me it did not make any difference.

 

I think I might succeed on television because I’m 6’1” a fairly good-looking male and weigh 225 pounds. I’m not slim but I’m certainly not heavy, I’m just big. In high school and in my freshman year in college I played football but after an injury I quit. I’m wondering how I should dress and conduct myself on TV.

 

I know this is a wonderful opportunity and hope I will be so successful that I can take the show national. While the subject is personal finance my approach is very pragmatic since I deal with specific problems. For example, when I discuss saving money for a child’s education I make sure to point out that it would be a poor idea to put it in your child’s name on an educational fund because that would make it more difficult for him or her to get money from various educational grants and the government. I also recommend buying good used cars since they are far less expensive in the long run than new cars. In my local area I don’t just have an audience I have friends.

 

 

Name and address withheld

 

 

Dear Sir:

 

Moving from radio to television is a much bigger transition than you think.

 

Writing to me for advice on your clothing is a good first step because it’s easy. Coming from radio I presume you will need three to five suits for your television show as well as a half a dozen dress shirts and a dozen ties. I don’t recommend you buy them all at once, start with three suits, a bankers gray, medium gray and a medium blue. A half a dozen dress shirts, four white and two blue and a dozen traditional, conservative ties. If you wear the same suits and shirts people might notice after a while but if you wear the same ties with the same suits and shirts all the time your TV audience particularly the women will notice almost immediately. You will lose credibility with them because women assume if you’re not dressing well it’s because you don’t know how. Obviously, they will find it hard to trust someone, who in their minds is so limited, to handle their money

 

In addition to changing your clothing you are going to have to change your approach. On radio, because people cannot see you, you must convey your meaning in a dramatic and sometimes emotional verbal style. If you use the same verbal style on television you will destroy your credibility as a expert. When giving advice on financial matters you are more likely to be taken seriously if you use a low-key, understated approach. Television compared to radio is a soft, warm, somewhat informal personal media; speak to the camera as if you are in someone’s living room having a one-on-one conversation because in the minds of many of your listeners you are.

 

Since you’re not used to dealing with television I suggest you approach your new boss before your first show. Tell him you would like him to arrange for professional instruction on how to conduct yourself on camera. Make sure the person is someone who has worked on TV for many years, preferably someone who was on camera. In just a few hours he or she will teach you how to avoid the obvious mistakes made by amateurs. In addition you have to start looking at television not for entertainment but instruction.

 

Since on the show you described you must appear to be a serious person delivering a serious message, I suggest you watch the way TV reporters dress. I hope you notice as a group they are very neat and well put together and their outfits are usually well coordinated.

 

In all major stations and the vast majority of smaller TV studios, they have make up people to prepare the host and the guests before they go on the air. If the facility you’re working at does not have a makeup person on staff, you’re going to have to be very careful about details in your appearance. Notice the people on television usually have every hair in place, their nails manicured, their garments fit perfectly and the people who make up the rules seem to have or read my dress book, for example the men’s ties are always neatly tied and they hang down to just at or just below their belts.

 

Before the first show, go on camera and see if you look as professional as most people on TV. If you do not you’re going to have to learn to use makeup. Don’t make Nixon’s mistake everyone looks healthier and more energetic when they are made up.

 

 

Finally, the camera adds pounds, and you would be much better off if you could lose weight.

 

 

 

Dear Mr. Molloy:

 

I am a former Bernie Sanders supporter who a year and a half after college is still living with my parents. After about six months I was going to take any job I could find but my parents insisted that I wait until I got a college level job. I don’t see that happening, I live in upstate New York and there are no jobs available for math majors. I’ve been to dozens of interviews and have a feeling I am being turned down before I come in the door. I wear a conservative suit, shirt and tie as you recommended but my reception has been very poor. I can’t afford expensive suits, shirts and ties. I’m wondering is there anything I can do to improve my chances of being hired for a college-level job.

 

 

 

A Discouraged College Graduate

 

 

Dear College Graduate:

 

I’m surprised as a math major you didn’t find a job almost immediately. I suspect it is because you didn’t know where to look. To start, open a tutoring service for high school students having problems with math. There are so many students who fall into that category that I’m sure if you publicize your service, you will have a business within six months and that will partially solve your problem. The second step is to contact the high schools in your area and tell them you are looking for a job teaching. I assure you qualified math teachers are hard to find and although it’s the middle of the school year I suspect by next year you will be teaching. If teaching does not appeal to you and you have a specific job in mind, I suggest you start applying outside of your area.

 

I hate to tell you but you probably are being turned down know before you get in the door. I went out and asked some people I know but I knew the answer ahead of time. Most people in industry will not even look at someone’s who has been sitting around for a year and a half after college without a job. If my suggestions do not lead to a job take any job you can get. Employers are always more likely to hire people who are working in than those who are not.

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A TEACHER’S IMAGE AND WOMAN WHO WANT TO MARRY

Dear Mr. Molloy:

Three weeks ago I started teaching high school and to my surprise some of the male students intimidated me. My only teaching experience before was in junior high school and when I was challenged by a student I took them by the arm and brought them to the principal’s office personally. I had a reputation as a tough teacher and I never had any problems enforcing discipline. The students worked hard in my classes and paid attention.

However, in one class at 8 o’clock in the morning that is not the case. For some reason about half of the boys are football players and as a group they are rowdy and inattentive. At first I attempted to use the same discipline I did in junior high but it didn’t work because frankly the student was 6’3” tall and 250 pounds plus. He intimidated me and it’s just plain silly to think I could grab him by the arm and lead him to the principal’s office . I am 5’3” and weigh 109 pounds. I believe I have solved the problem by giving tests regularly and occasionally letting the students use their notes on those tests. Of course with that incentive most of them started taking very good notes which forces them to pay attention.

 

The Vice Principal congratulated me on my technique but suggested that I dress more professionally since I would have fewer problems in class. He suggested I read your blog but I must tell you I think size is more important than image. In addition I do not think I have an unprofessional image, I usually wear nice dresses and when it gets cold I wear sweaters although at times I admit I wore jeans. I am 27 years old but I look younger and that is a problem but I don’t think dress will change how young I look.

 

Please comment!

 

Name and address withheld

 

 

Dear Teacher:

 

 

The reason you disagree with the Vice Principal is you think image is controlled solely by what you wear, that is not so. Your image is created by the entire message sent by your body language, your size, your demeanor, your environment and position. Once you recognize that you not only have an image but you are an individual who is short or tall, male or female etc. and that impacts the messages you send you’ll get a clue as to what the Vice Principal wants. To most, these messages identifiy your professionalism and position which adds or subtracts from your authority with specific groups.

 

High school students no matter how large are supported and controlled by adults, as a result they look upon adults as authority figures. Therefore, your first job is to dress like an adult not like a teenager, so take those jeans and leave them home permanently. That will eventually add to your authority because those who have seen you wearing jeans will associate you with that look. However, eventually they will fade from their memories. In addition what you wear now will immediately affect your authority and make it easier for you to become a more effective teacher.

 

When I consulted on dressing for success with individuals the first thing I asked them was if they had any weaknesses in their presentation. For example, a man, with whom I consulted, was 6’7″ and weigh 250 pounds found he intimidated others and that negatively impacted his career. I dressed him in softer colors and patterns. I also told him to never wear dark blue, gray or pinstripe suits because all three will add to his authority and make him more intimidating. If a woman had a very good shape I told her to deemphasize it by wearing traditional blazers and dresses with jackets which deemphasize her feminine and often sexy shape. I advise you to do the same because if the male of any age sees you as a sexual object he will find it difficult to think of you as an authority figure, it would be prudent to trade in those sweaters for jackets that deemphasize your femininity.

 

While teaching in high school I did research on the impact of a teacher’s dress on learning. We found that students who were given homework assignments  by teachers who dressed very conservatively worked longer and harder completing them because they assume they would be tougher markers. The more things change the more they remain the same.

 

Good luck!

 

 

WOMEN WHO WANT TO MARRY

 

If you are a woman who wishes to get married or if you know a woman who wishes to get married particularly if she’s always ending up with the wrong guy she and you should read this blog from the end of November to the end of January and /or read my book, “Why Men Marry Some Women and Not Others.” Also tell her to write to this blog and describe her present or past relationships and ask specific questions about them. I’d rather use my research to answer questions and solve problems than have a theoretical discussion. I won’t be talking about the subject in every blog but many of them.

 

 

 

I feel obliged to point out here the basic truth on which most of my research is based, is women do not understand men any better than men understand women. When I ask women if men understand them they almost universally say no and when I ask if they understand men most admitted they didn’t. Nevertheless, when women have problems with men they discuss the problems with other women which may make them feel better but gives them no real solutions to their problems. Every article and book written by women on how to deal with men is in my opinion nonsense. My advice is based on research. The research project that produced the most information for why men marry was conducted at marriage license bureaus. When couples walked out we separated the men and women and had male researchers interview the men and women researchers interview the women. We found that both men and women were far more likely to fudge the truth when talking to members of the opposite sex. We asked a number of questions but the primary one was what got you to this point.

 

Because, “Why Men Marry Some Women and Not Others” was so well received around the world, it was translated into 24 languages and sold in a 152 countries, I planned to write books on similar subjects. I researched related topics, eg. how to develop a stable and lasting relationship, how to avoid divorce, why men and women cheat to name just a few. None produced the information needed for a book but we ended up with all sorts of interesting data which will make the blogs very interesting even to those who have read my book.

 

About a year ago while testing some of the material I developed for my new book of popularity I spoke to a company who was holding a national meeting at Disney. Since the primary subject of my speech was how to make a good first impression I was asked if making a good first impression would make them more attractive to members of the opposite sex, of course I said yes. Once I did it opened a Pandora’s Box and I ended up spending three hours after the speech talking about the elements of sexual attraction. About 15 minutes into the session I was told by one young woman that even though short skirts didn’t help her career she would continue to wear them because she wanted to attract a nice man and marry him. When I told her not only would wearing very short skirts hurt a career but cut down her chances of marrying any man she met while wearing one most of the women didn’t believe it. I’ll explain why that and many strange facts that women can’t believe are statistically true in those blogs.

 

So please tell your single friends to read this blog and to write to me with questions on relationships and of course I’d like you to write in as well.

 

If the book is not in your local bookstore I’m sure they can order it for you. If you have any difficulty getting one contact this blog and I will arrange for one to be shipped to you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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MOVING UP IN AMERICA

 Dear Mr. Molloy:

 

My husband saw the handwriting on the wall long before any of his coworkers or I did and figured out that his company was going to lay off a number of workers including him. He started almost 3 years ago preparing for a second career in real estate. In fact he took a course and passed the real estate test and has been working part-time as a real estate agent for the last year and a half. He went from part-time to full-time six months ago and has been doing quite well selling houses mainly to high-tech people. While the blue-collar companies have been moving to Mexico and other places there has been a major influx of high-tech companies.

 

There was always some high tech in our town but recently it has exploded and now there are two high-tech workers for every blue-collar worker. My husband tells me originally they moved in because the old buildings that could be converted into offices were so cheap. While the blue-collar workers who were the backbone of this town are now moving out and losing their homes the city continues to grow.

 

At present he has a very limited wardrobe but since he went from being a floor manager in the factory to real estate he has been adding to it . At present he owns a navy blazer, two pair of gray wool slacks, a corduroy gray jacket, a camel sports coat, a gray sports jacket, a brown tweed jacket and a half a dozen pair of slacks that go with the jackets. In the summer he wore a medium light weight sports jacket with three pairs of lightweight slacks.  Although he intends to continue to sell private homes, he thinks the real money is going to be made selling commercial real estate to both high-tech companies and traditional companies who are moving into town as our population increases. I’m wondering what he should wear to sell to such a diverse audience.

 

Name and address withheld

 

Dear wife:

 

If he is going to be selling residential property he can use many of the items he already has in his wardrobe as long as he remembers that when people buy homes they don’t buy bricks and mortar they buy a perceived lifestyle. When they visit a house they don’t only look at the property but the furnishings and the people in the area. I worked for a real estate company years ago who insisted that their employees drive status cars; Mercedes, Cadillac’s, Lincoln’s etc. The reason they insisted on the status cars was they found if they had what they referred to as a motivated buyer when they parked status cars around a house it was more likely to sell. When they could they parked them in the driveways next to that house. The reason they did that is they read about a study I conducted in a real estate magazine which showed that status items in and around a house helps to sell that house.

 

He will have to expand his wardrobe depending on how much time is going to be spent selling traditional homes and commercial real estate. If he is going to spend his time 50-50 he will need at least four or five new outfits, I suggest he start by purchasing a medium weight beige suit with a tinge of gray, as well as a light gray suit, a lightweight navy blue sport jacket.  We found when workers move from a blue-collar job into the white-collar world they continue to buy clothing in the same stores and price range as they always did. Unfortunately, often that doesn’t help them transition into a different world. If he is following the pattern which is common he will have to shop in better stores and pay at least 50% more for slacks, suits, sport jackets, dress shirts and ties. I also suggest he read this blog regularly so he gets a better idea of what the dress for success code has become.

 

 

If he’s going to be selling commercial real estate in your town he will have clients from several socio-economic and business backgrounds. Generally if you’re selling commercial real estate it is advantageous to dress like the people to whom you’re selling. One of the few exceptions to this is people selling high-priced items including real estate to high-tech people who dress casually. When he is selling to casually dress business people he cannot dress like a traditional banker he should dress in a manner that says that he is an expert. The majority of them expect experts in most traditional fields to wear upscale colors and patterns and dress just a bit more formally than they.

 

I’m sorry, I didn’t give you detailed advice you could easily follow because usually I do. I couldn’t do that because your question is too broad. Selling commercial real estate in your town your husband’s clients will come from companies with a wide variety of dress codes official or unofficial, so without specific information on specific clients I couldn’t be specific. However, we have extensive research showing if your husband can charm people he has a far better chance of selling real estate or anything else.

 

I’m going to run a class on how to make a good first impression for sales people who work for a high-tech company in a town approximately 70 miles from yours in about three weeks. If your husband and you can arrange to get that day off and drive to the location of my class, you can attend without being charged.. If you follow the class carefully and my instructions exactly in about 2 to 3 weeks both you and your husband will be able to charm everyone you meet. Since the most important factor in all sales is charming the buyer which will help you to convince him that you are competent, able and honest.  Drop me a note if you wish to attend.

 

 

I’m sure with the collapse of American manufacturing a number of blue-collar workers are attempting to move into other fields. Our experiences with people who come from blue-collar backgrounds has shown us that often they have difficulty adapting not only their clothing but their mannerisms and speech patterns so that they fit into the white-collar world . Because I received so many letters from people on the subject I will dedicate at least a dozen blogs in the future dealing with problems in this area. Although I worked all my life after college in a white collar world when I researched “Dress for Success” I threw out most of my business wardrobe. I tell you this because we are all products of our backgrounds and not only does our dress, body language, facial expressions and manners impact our success and income they identify our backgrounds. One of the most common letters I receive is from people who have achieved economic success and bought into the best area only to find, they and sometimes their children do not fit in. Most have no idea how to overcome this problem and are miserable. I hope in the near future to help them and others who have similar problems.

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IN THE PRIVILEGED BUBBLE

 

I sit here before my laptop hoping to finish this blog before my computer’s battery runs out of power. The reason I am not working on my regular computer is there is thunder in the background announcing the arrival of hurricane Matthew, which experts say is the most powerful hurricane to ever hit Florida. It is of course accompanied by lightning strikes and if one hits close by it can wipe out a book on popularity which is almost complete, a book on speaking like Abraham Lincoln or Barack Obama, a book on sales which I’ve been teaching for years and much of the research on which these and future books will be based. 

 

I am writing this blog because once Matthew shows up, I will no longer be able to do so. Since I do not have access to the information I use to write blogs I am forced to write on a subject which does not require that axis.

 

Recently I wrote on the presidential race, I said that Hillary will win that contest because she is the more sophisticated candidate. When I did, I receive an avalanche of complaints from Trump followers. They said my blog was a left-wing smear because I assumed Trump was stupid and unsophisticated. I never said or implied-either. My statements were based on my experience teaching politicians how to present themselves, which I admit I did only for a short period of time. The reason I chose not to work for them was they didn’t pay and in many cases it was like working for God without manners. I don’t think it made a difference if they were Republicans or Democrats they are all cut from the same cloth. l am not crazy about any of them.

 

The reason I think he will lose is he was brought up in the privilege bubble. The people who live in that bubble are never contradicted and very seldom challenged when they put forth an idea. They are usually surrounded by sycophants and employees none of whom think it is in their best interest to ever contradict the boss. And for that reason they hold a number of just plain silly beliefs, the main one being they are almost always right. Remember when Barack Obama was first elected his wife was told by the media that she had beautiful arms and that everything she wore was tasteful and wonderful. After all, who was going to criticize the wife of the first black president? Today she looks sophisticated and well put together but in the beginning she looked terrible because no one told the truth. I am sure she is a bright woman and she would’ve learned what to wear if the people who thought they were her friends actually told her the truth but they didn’t. Unfortunately living in the privileged bubble you hardly ever hear the truth particularly if it is not flattering.

 

If you think I am criticizing either of them, I am not. After all we are all products of our backgrounds. When I graduated from high school all I wanted to do was work in the Post Office. My father had been a civil service employee for 30+ years and often praised being a government employee. He was raised in an orphanage, had an eighth grade education and from his point of view he was doing fine. Even though he coped with negative experiences and unfair treatment, the message I got was go to work for the government. So I wanted to emulate the man I admired most the brightest and best read man I ever met. In spite of constantly speaking about my going to college the message I received was why go. I went to Manhattan College for a year because my folks insisted that I go. I failed out on purpose and went to work for the Post Office. but my folks were so disappointed, I went back and graduated. I still wanted to work in the Post Office but my parents insisted I get a college level job which I hated.

 

I quit and started teaching which didn’t pay well at the time but that was fine with them because that was a college level job. I enjoyed the kids and I enjoyed teaching and did very well in the private schools. I probably would’ve stuck with it except in the public school system in order to get along you have to go along with their stupid counterproductive rules. One of the dumbest rules was every child should write a new composition every week. When I tried that I found when the papers given back to children they looked at the mark, if it was good they took it home if it was poor they threw it out. Neither group read my corrections or learned anything from them, so I developed my own approach. If a child made the same mistakes over and over eg, grammar, punctuation, phrasing etc, I corrected those mistakes +3 others in that area which were not mistakes. Then I gave the paper an overall grade and told the students if they could tell which corrections were valid and which were not, I would raise their mark a full grade. They worked as hard as they could to find those mistakes and in doing so usually became better writers. I think it worked because I had youngsters come back from college and thank me for teaching them to write.

 

To prove to you that I am not out to get Trump I will give him some very good advice free of charge. Don’t ever say again he started a really wonderful company, we all know that, don’t ever say he’s made a great deal of money we know that , don’t every say he is smart for not paying taxes it makes people who do pay taxes angry.

 

I know if he or his people read this they will dismiss it as nonsense. I’m sure they will not tell him about this blog but if he somehow finds out about it, I will prove it is not nonsense. All he has to do is run two little tests. I’m sure with his resources he can do both, in one day.

 

For the first test he will have to take a picture of his very articulate son who is by far his best spokesperson, then take the pictures of nine other men around the same age as his son. Next chop all those pictures so all you see is their hair. Then show those pictures to 25 to 50 young women and ask which ones they would go out with on a blind date and which ones they would not. Then ask them if they said no to any man to tell them why. His son was raised in a Trump bubble that’s why no one ever said to him:  Dummy get rid of that stupid haircut. I am sure when he reads the results of this survey, he will wish they had.

 

To do the second test he will have to hire that fellow on Fox News who measures the reaction of audiences to political positions or statements. He in real time shows the results on an electronically produced graph indicating how Republicans, Independents and Democrats react to various statements.       Have him test a typical audience made up of Republicans, Democrats and Independents reaction to the statements I identified as mistakes. If these tests are run effectively they will prove I am right..

 

If he wants to know all the other phrases that turn people off he will have to call and pay me $1 million. I insist on this very large sum because my experience has shown me the rich never listen to anyone unless they charge what the rich consider real money. By the way for Trump it would be a very effective way to spend campaign money but I know and you know, I will never hear from him.

 

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TO TATTOO OR NOT TO TATTOO

Dear Mr. Molloy:

 

My mother is 45 and completely out of touch with what is going on in high school today. I made a stupid mistake when I told my sister who is a freshman in college that I intended to get a small tattoo on my lower leg. She of course being a lily white virginal saint, who never had a steady boyfriend in high school, ran and told my mother. I expected my mother to be upset when she saw my boy friends name tattooed on my leg especially since she told me not to go out with him because he was tattooed.              

 

I could not believe it, she went ballistic. She actually rolled up her fists and waved her arms in the air. She’s never hit me but I thought she might. I never saw her so upset. When she finally calmed down I tried to explain to her that several of my friends have tattoos but she would not listen. She said she would find it hard to go work every day if I made it impossible to get a decent job by marking myself up with a tattoo.

 

 She went back to work about a year ago to help pay the tuition for my sister and I but she got her old job back in a public relations firm where she worked 20 years ago, so she has no idea what is required for a job interview.  Today tattoos are all over the place and having one can’t possibly keep you out of any job.

 

                                                                                                                                       I am 16 and in two years I’ll be able to vote which means even the country recognizes the fact that I am almost an adult. Since I am about to be an adult woman I think I have the right to choose how I look but there’s no talking to her. My mother said if I got a tattoo she would cut off my allowance and I would not get a car when I was 18. In addition, she would not drive me to school which means I’d have to take the bus which would be humiliating. Finally, she said, if I tattoo myself like a bum I might as well dress like one so my clothing budget would be cut at least in half.

 

You’re my only hope. She owns a copy of your book, “The Woman’s Dress for Success,” which she has been trying to get me to read for years. She said you base all your information on research that is why I ask you to research tattoos in high school today. If you do it honestly you will see I am absolutely right that she’s being totally unreasonable.

 

If you do the research please report in this blog. I don’t think she’ll insist on being out of date if your research proves she is.

                                          

                                  Name and Address Withheld by the Blogger

 

 

Dear 16-year-old:

 

Since the reason you wrote to me is you wanted me to do research on teenage tattoos I decided to do a small project. Identified

 I identified four separate high schools whose racial makeup was similar because I want to eliminate race as a factor. The first was in a poor rural area, the second was in a blue-collar suburban area, the third was in an upscale suburban area and the fourth was a private school attended mainly by children of the very wealthy. I sat outside each of these schools on different mornings and attempted to count the number of tattoos that I could see.

 

 

To appreciate the results of the research you must know that there is a socioeconomic factor to appearance. Simply said your appearance identifies your social class and your economic class to most of those you meet.  People will judge your intelligence and your ability depending on how they see your social and economic status. Although it’s not always true we tend to think that people from upper-class backgrounds are better educated and better informed than people from lower class backgrounds. What effect does that have? Pretend you own a company that was producing a very nice income for you and your family and you are hiring someone to do a critical job. If you have a choice, someone appears bright or someone who is not which one do you chose? The answer is obvious,

 

In the poor rural school I counted almost twice as many tattoos as in the blue collar school and around four times as many as in the affluent area. However, the children in that exclusive private school had almost 20% more tattoos than those from the affluent suburban school. This surprised me until I interviewed the sons and daughters of the really rich. They like the rock stars and movie stars who made tattooing popular look upon tattoos as semi-permanent because at any time they can have them removed. A very expensive procedure, that most people cannot afford.

So my message is do not get tattooed, unless you are rich.

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A CHALK ON A BLACKBOARD VOICE

Dear Mr. Molloy:

 

I am a woman in my 40s and a forensic accountant with two master’s degrees from top schools. My husband is an attorney who has worked with a major corporation for the past 24 years and specializes in cases dealing with computer technology. He will be leaving his company in about a year and a half and intends to continue to practice in that specialty in private practice. He doesn’t know whether he will go to work for an existing law firm or open his own firm.

 

 

I explained the above because it affected the way I marketed my skills as an accountant. I’ve always made money but accounting was always a part-time job. I advertised myself as a forensic accountant and occasionally landed major contracts but I had turned down others because my husband and I moved regularly. In addition I have had part-time and short-term work with a variety of companies and individuals.

 

I need to go to work in the near future because I have three children in high school. The youngest one is a freshman while the oldest is in his final year. He has been admitted  to an Ivy League school and his sister, a junior, has better grades in every area and I’m sure will be admitted to one as well. I hope my third will do as well but if you look at the tuition charged by the Ivy League schools I have to obtain a position and a good one.

 

The last personal interviewer said I had C+ experience and A+ educational background and skills. But I have a problem, I have a very high-pitched voice.. I was very happy to leave one city because although they did not say it to my face, my nickname at that company was  “Squeaky.”. I want to know how much this will affect  my being hired? I have at least nine months before we move to our final location. Would voice training at this point in my life and my career solve my problem and how important is to change how I sound?

 

K.B

 

 

 

 

Dear KB:

 

There is no question about it, in about six months or less a well-qualified speech teacher can dramatically change the sound of your voice. That is why I am recommending that you hire a speech teacher from your local university. They are invariably well-qualified and if you get one to work with you, you will have an excellent chance of solving your problem. However, you must start immediately but before you start you must ask the teacher if he will work with you in the summer. A substantial percentage of college teachers travel in the summer and since you do not know how long your training will take .you might have a problem.

 

There are several reasons you must start as soon as possible. First the most obvious is some students can change their sound almost instantly. Others can imitate almost anyone without practice. I hope you are in one of these two groups because if you are your problem will almost solve itself. Unfortunately, only a small percentage of students can do this. If you’re not blessed with this talent you are going to have to work diligently to overcome your problem.

 

The second reason you must start early is it will be far more difficult to land the type of  job you are seeking, if you have what I call,  “a chalk on a blackboard voice.” I can only imagine how high-pitched your voice must be. I am assuming, however, that your voice turns people off. That it has such an unpleasant sound that it makes it very hard for you to make friends. The reason I know this is I am about to finish my book on popularity. I’ve been writing it or researching it for over seven years. and I discovered that people with what I call, “ a chalk on a blackboard voice.”  are almost invariably unpopular unless they change their voice. They find it almost impossible to charm the people they meet because the majority of those they meet are turned off the minute they speak. The only well- known version of,  “a chalk on a blackboard voice.” Is Janice on Friends. She is always introduced with her speaking in a very unpleasant high pitchedunpleasant very unpleasant  nasal Brooklyn accent. Of course she’s the character no one likes or wants to be around

 

Don’t believe what you have heard, that  worrying about being popular is only important to teenage girlsThat is nonsense, I have trained over 1000 executives, at least  75% men, not only to charm those they meet but to turn their  charm on and off like a lightbulb. Most executives consider the ability to be charming an essential executive skill

 

 

Another reason you want to start immediately is if you change visually or verbally  just after you start a new job most of those meeting you will think you are affected or a phony.  If they think you are a phony, they will not trust you or like you both of which will kill your career.

 

Finally, the best reason for changing yourour i high pitched annoying voice into a mellifluous likable speech is for the first time in your life you will be able to make a good first impression. I know this because my popular speech today is a presentation I give at lunches, “How to Make a Good First Impression.”   In about a half hour I can teach over 60% of most audiences how to do just that.  Most do not walk out the door ready to charm the world but with a little practice at home they tell me they are doing better at job interviews, social gatherings and life.

 

I hope you get the job you like, working with people you like and you are liked by them.

 

Good luck!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dear Mr. Molloy:

 

I am a woman in my 40s and a forensic accountant with two master’s degrees from top schools. My husband is an attorney who has worked with a major corporation for the past 24 years and specializes in cases dealing with computer technology. He will be leaving his company in about a year and a half and intends to continue to practice in that specialty in private practice. He doesn’t know whether he will go to work for an existing law firm or open his own firm.

 

 

I explained the above because it affected the way I marketed my skills as an accountant. I’ve always made money but accounting was always a part-time job. I advertised myself as a forensic accountant and occasionally landed major contracts but I had turned down others because my husband and I moved regularly. In addition I have had part-time and short-term work with a variety of companies and individuals.

 

I need to go to work in the near future because I have three children in high school. The youngest one is a freshman while the oldest is in his final year. He has been admitted  to an Ivy League school and his sister, a junior, has better grades in every area and I’m sure will be admitted to one as well. I hope my third will do as well but if you look at the tuition charged by the Ivy League schools I have to obtain a position and a good one.

 

The last personal interviewer said I had C+ experience and A+ educational background and skills. But I have a problem, I have a very high-pitched voice.. I was very happy to leave one city because although they did not say it to my face, my nickname at that company was  “Squeaky.”. I want to know how much this will affect  my being hired? I have at least nine months before we move to our final location. Would voice training at this point in my life and my career solve my problem and how important is to change how I sound?

 

K.B

 

 

 

 

Dear KB:

 

There is no question about it, in about six months or less a well-qualified speech teacher can dramatically change the sound of your voice. That is why I am recommending that you hire a speech teacher from your local university. They are invariably well-qualified and if you get one to work with you, you will have an excellent chance of solving your problem. However, you must start immediately but before you start you must ask the teacher if he will work with you in the summer. A substantial percentage of college teachers travel in the summer and since you do not know how long your training will take .you might have a problem.

 

There are several reasons you must start as soon as possible. First the most obvious is some students can change their sound almost instantly. Others can imitate almost anyone without practice. I hope you are in one of these two groups because if you are your problem will almost solve itself. Unfortunately, only a small percentage of students can do this. If you’re not blessed with this talent you are going to have to work diligently to overcome your problem.

 

The second reason you must start early is it will be far more difficult to land the type of  job you are seeking, if you have what I call,  “a chalk on a blackboard voice.” I can only imagine how high-pitched your voice must be. I am assuming, however, that your voice turns people off. That it has such an unpleasant sound that it makes it very hard for you to make friends. The reason I know this is I am about to finish my book on popularity. I’ve been writing it or researching it for over seven years. and I discovered that people with what I call, “ a chalk on a blackboard voice.”  are almost invariably unpopular unless they change their voice. They find it almost impossible to charm the people they meet because the majority of those they meet are turned off the minute they speak. The only well- known version of,  “a chalk on a blackboard voice.” Is Janice on Friends. She is always introduced with her speaking in a very unpleasant high pitchedunpleasant very unpleasant  nasal Brooklyn accent. Of course she’s the character no one likes or wants to be around

 

Don’t believe what you have heard, that  worrying about being popular is only important to teenage girlsThat is nonsense, I have trained over 1000 executives, at least  75% men, not only to charm those they meet but to turn their  charm on and off like a lightbulb. Most executives consider the ability to be charming an essential executive skill

 

 

Another reason you want to start immediately is if you change visually or verbally  just after you start a new job most of those meeting you will think you are affected or a phony.  If they think you are a phony, they will not trust you or like you both of which will kill your career.

 

Finally, the best reason for changing yourour i high pitched annoying voice into a mellifluous likable speech is for the first time in your life you will be able to make a good first impression. I know this because my popular speech today is a presentation I give at lunches, “How to Make a Good First Impression.”   In about a half hour I can teach over 60% of most audiences how to do just that.  Most do not walk out the door ready to charm the world but with a little practice at home they tell me they are doing better at job interviews, social gatherings and life.

 

I hope you get the job you like, working with people you like and you are liked by them.

 

Good luck!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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