If your child and his or her friends ever speak about nerds and others who are not in the In Crowd in their school in a disparaging way you have a major problem. The chances are that they and or their friends give these kids a hard time. If anyone complains about that or interprets their actions as bullying and it becomes part of their academic record, they will find it difficult if not impossible to get into most colleges. In today’s politically correct world some college admissions people will not even read their application or look at their grades, If you don’t want your child’s life ruined before he or she starts read the next two sections.
If your youngster is being bullied in school often there is very little he or she can do about it. It is your job as a parent to put a stop to it. Your first step should be to visit the principal and insist that he stop it immediately. If he ignores you I suggest you ask your child and other children at his school to name other children who are being bullied. Believe me they will know. Once you find out who they are contact their parents and then arrange to visit the principal as a group. That should solve your problem, if not you have to do whatever it takes to make your child feel safe and secure in school.
Believe it or not the real victims of bullying are the bullies. If a bully is accused and the accusation becomes part of his or her school record few colleges will accept them. Because most parents do not believe their children are or even could be bullies, they don’t warn them about the possibility they can ruin their lives if they become directly or indirectly involved in bullying. There’s a real possibility your son’s or daughter’s life can be destroyed just because they want to go along with the in crowd. A substantial percentage of schools today have zero tolerance for bullying and that’s a good thing but it’s also a trap. I looked into a number of cases where youngsters who did not personally do the bullying encouraged others to become part of a crowd that was bullying someone. Before your youngster goes to middle school explain to them that being bullied can ruin the lives of those being bullied but it’s more likely to ruin the lives of those doing the bullying. Sit them down and in no uncertain terms tell them that if they’re ever involved in that kind of activity you will punish them severely, take away their computer, cell phone and anything else that means anything to them. Make sure they understand you are deadly serious. I repeat bullying can and does ruin lives. However, if your youngster works at improving his or her popularity skills they will never bully anyone, it’s not the way to become popular.
GET YOUR CHILD’S PASSWORD
If you’re a parent and you do not have the password to your child’s cell phone you’re not doing your job. Teenagers today cannot have a right to privacy. If you do not have the password to son’s or daughter’s cell phone etc. you are making a dangerous mistake. If you have a son you should know his password because if he is being bullied he probably will not tell you and if he’s doing the bullying that’s even worse. I also ran across several cases where young men went to meet young girls and found they were 45 year old perverts and although that doesn’t happen very often, it does happen. Of course you want to know if your daughter is being bullied and believe it or not a majority of them do not tell their parents And if your sweet little girl is part of a group that is doing the bullying, it will come as a shock to you but by that time it will be too late. In today’s politically correct colleges her application will not even be read. In addition, today young girls often send pictures to their boyfriends that no one would want made public. When they break up with that boy some of the boys will send those pictures to their friends and once they’re out there it’s almost impossible to get them back. They can embarrass your daughter even as an adult. However, that’s not the main reason you must have your daughters password without going into details there are literally thousands of cases of young girls who thought they were communicating with people their age and found out later they will not. Horrible things happen to those young girls and some of their bodies are never found. Don’t be a daughter’s friend, be her parent. Protect her online, it’s a very dangerous place.
The only way to stop bullying is to have a national organization dedicated to ending bullying similar to Mothers Against Drunk Driving. My best effort is Mothers Against Bullying but if someone come up with a better title I will be happy to use it. There is a government organization against bullying but it does nothing and most schools have a non bullying policy but what that means is they pretend to stop bullying. In fact what most of them do is next to nothing. A majority of high school principals simply want to ignore it because if they punish bullies they’re afraid they’ll be sued or harassed. Most principles I have talked to said if they took steps to stop bullying no one would stand behind them I think most mothers would like to change that.
I became interested in this cause when I speaking on “Popularity and Sales”. Invariably at the end of my speech I was surrounded by adults and half of them were asking questions about what they could do for their children who were being harassed in school. To answer those questions I started researching the problem and discovered that most bullies were unsure of themselves and picked on others in attempt to be accepted. My researchers found while researching information for my new book “The Popularity Game’, if they trained bullies to be popular most stopped bullying. They also discovered if they trained those being bullied, once they became popular they were less likely to be bullied. So my book is one part of the solution but certainly not the total solution and a real solution is needed.
If you think such an organization is needed and you would like to be part of it write to this blog and if you would like to start it or help run it please let us know. I hope we can start a great organization that will be run by mothers dedicated to this cause.
If you believe a national anti-bullying organization would do the job please make a dozen copies of this blog. Pass them on not only those in your neighborhood but to those in other sections of town and in other sections of the country. If they do the same we will have a National Organization in no time.